Lorraine Sommerfeld - Blog

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2010-03-08T11:41:00.001-05:00

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No Stars for OnStar

2010-03-07T10:12:00.002-05:00

I loooooooooove my colleague Jil McIntosh at the Wheels section of the Toronto Star. She's a hoot. She has this no-nonsense way about her that never fails to crack me up. And, she knows her stuff. She has a direct way of telling you about a car that makes her one of my best resources on cars. And, she throws great parties.

Anyway. She has a column this week about GM's OnStar. I love it. She pulls no punches. And she shouldn't. I've been hating the OnStar for years.

In a column I wrote over two years ago, I got crap. And not just from GM. I mean, they weren't pleased. But I can live with that. We write for the readers, not the manufacturers. No, I had an editor (not the regular ones; an assigned fill-in) call me. First, that never happens. They don't call you. They just change stuff, or email you. But the phone rang.

"Uhm, hi Lorraine. This is Editor," he said.
"Hi Editor"
"Listen, I'm editing this OnStar piece you've written. It's, uhm, pretty harsh," he continued.
"Yeah, it is. OnStar is pretty stupid. So actually, it's really just pretty honest," I said.
"Yeah, but, can't you say anything good about it?"

I considered this.

"Nope."

And I couldn't. It was an overpriced piece of junk that never failed to unimpress me over the course of the year it was 'free' on my van. Renewing it would have been like asking for labour to last a few more hours because it was so rewarding.

No auto manufacturer has a crystal ball, but even GM should have noted that the entire world has a cell phone in their pocket. Many young people don't even bother with residential lines anymore; it's all cell. They also made the colossal mistake of stranding their early customers. Apparently, OnStar installed on vehicles prior to 2002 were equipped with an analog version. When GM switched to digital, they effectively tossed 10% of their customers to the crapper with their excuses and explanations.

This does not make for happy customers. And while I've had a lot of GPS systems steer me wrong, most of them aren't harassing me to purchase them for exorbitant costs like GM does.

I was an early OnStar bitcher. I'm glad Jil got to make her point - there is a razor thin edge for success in the car industry these days. I get lost enough without my car doing it for me.

The Dog Ate Hazel's Homework

2010-03-05T09:51:00.002-05:00

I love this story. Like Jam-of-the-Month club, it's the gift that keeps on giving.

In an inquiry into conflict of interest concerns swirling around Mississauga mayor Hazel McCallion and her son Peter, initial days of the inquest are discovering that McCallion does not keep records. Her Assistant regularly deletes her emails after she's read them. Apparently Hazel's ginormous computer brain means she doesn't need to keep track of anything she reads. Her Assistant believes this is a fine practice.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Do you know how many emails cross this woman's desk in a day, in an hour? Do you realize the breadth of material she must read and understand on numerous topics? Do you know how many meetings she must attend?

I'll tell you my take on this. Because it's my blog, and I can. Her Assistant didn't get to be her assistant by being stupid. That job is onerous. Now, if your boss, an elected official, tells you to delete every email that comes in once she says so, do you really think you obediently pull the trigger without asking a single question, raising an eyebrow, considering the implications? No way. Not buying it.

Now, if your boss was a newbie, recently elected, you would say something like, "Excuse me, Boss? I think that might be a rash idea. An electronic trail will be really handy to revisit in the event of questions that might arise about process, handling of material, response times, chains of conversations, and problems that may arise should you decide to aid and abet your ne-er do well son as he tries to benefit from your position of influence because he can't seem to earn a living otherwise" - or something like that. That's a ferinstance.

That's what you would say if your boss was a newbie. But if she'd been the mayor since Methuselah was a pup, I can totally understand you being leery of questioning her. In which case you would simply open up a series of folders and store everything anyway. Period.

McCallion also destroyed her calendar every year. Really? This woman who prides herself on the fact she is not just a part of history, but darned near an artifact? Destroys a record of where she's been, who she's posed with, how many ribbons she's cut? I doubt it. Truly. Peer into the brain of most politicians and you'll find a frustrated exhibitionist waiting to sparkle. At the very least you will find someone savvy enough to record meetings to prove they did what they said they were going to. Politicians hate being called out on the carpet - they live by their schedules to prove they're earning their salaries - because people call them out on it with great regularity, and even more often in an election year.

I'm just a normal person. I have my Milk Calendars going back ten years. I can tell you when Ari had a dentist appointment in 1997. I can tell you when pizza days were at Lakeshore School during 1998. I keep all my income tax returns and receipts for 7 years. Because you have to. But McCallion tosses correspondence daily? And her schedule yearly? Even though it's all stored electronically and takes up a few memory sticks?

I'm not buying it.

But I don't have to. Hand off her hard drive - or her Assistant's - to IT. Sorry, Hazel. It's all still there.

Get it and make this be over sooner.

CTS On The Line

2010-03-04T12:55:00.003-05:00

Join me on CTS' On The Line with host Christine Williams from 2pm - 3pm today.

It's a live call in! Call in!

I better get over there....

Jason Kenney Needs To Go

2010-03-04T07:59:00.000-05:00

If you're on Facebook, you can join a petition here...

See my blog from a couple of days ago for more info.

Just Cuz...

2010-03-03T11:44:00.001-05:00

This made me smile.

If you don't like cats, don't bother. But actually, it's almost cat torture, so it might be for you too.

It's short. And made me laugh and laugh...

This Is Not Okay With Me...

2010-03-02T14:29:00.003-05:00

...and it shouldn't be with you.

Immigration Minister Jason Kenney has censored a key guide - a government publication - issued from his office to immigrants applying for Canadian citizenship.

The plundered sections? Those pertaining to gay rights and same-sex marriage. He had them struck from the official version, over repeated advice from senior department officials.

No, Mr. Kenney will be having none of that.

"Homosexuality was decriminalized in 1969 and more recently, civil marriage rights to same-sex couples was legalized nationwide in 2005," the earliest draft of the guide says under the section Towards a Modern Canada.

And in the section on citizenship rights, the early draft said: "Equality Rights - Canadians are protected against discrimination based on race, gender, national origin, religion, sexual orientation or age."

He struck both those lines. Because he doesn't agree. And apparently, what Jason Kenney has personally decided is now how Canada will be represented. He is repeatedly on the record as being a foe of equal rights for gay Canadians. We get it. But you lost. And you don't get to run around spewing your own narrow views on the corporate letterhead.

He rightfully notes that such a pamphlet can't reflect every area of Canadian law. Silly me. I would think that freedom from persecution based on sexual orientation, and the freedom to marry the person you love regardless of gender would be a very big one to include. Canadian rights and freedoms are envied the world over for this very reason: we keep our noses out of other people's bedrooms.

Mr. Harper, we are listening, and we are watching. We just watched an Olympic Games that had to be felt in hearts the world over. I know you saw it; the camera was on your freeloading mug every ten seconds, as you took that extended holiday from governing to play for 2 months. But even you couldn't take away the pride that so many Canadians felt on so many levels through those two weeks.

Canadians know how to play; they know how to win; they know how to host, and they know how to party. And you know what else they know how to do? They know how to let others be a part of this great country. If a country this big, this complex and this different can embrace everyone, surely those wanting to be here deserve to know one of the best parts of being Canadian: the freedom to be who you are, to study hard, to work hard, to succeed and to be safe.

Mr. Kenney, stop inserting your own judgmental views and lack of tolerance into an official document that represents me.

Do You Live in Burlington?

2010-02-24T08:29:00.002-05:00

If you do, you might have already heard about a new initiative taking place, Shape Burlington. It's a committee formed to talk to citizens about civic engagement.

Yeah, talking about talking. But for a change, it's more about listening. Know why it's going to work? Because we're not politicians.

Why do I know so much about Shape Burlington? Because I'm on the Steering Committee. Because I'm the Communications Director. Ha!

We are drafting up a formal report that will be made to the public, the mayor and the council. We are asking as many people as we can for their ideas, their concerns, and their opinions.

Want to be heard? Attend one of the public meetings starting tonight, tomorrow night, and then on March 2. Go to the website and take a survey. Go to the website and say your piece in the forums. Or email me directly and outline everything you've ever wanted to say about Burlington.

I spent yesterday with 3 Civics classes at a local high school. We're going to conduct roundtable meetings with students as well. If your kid is in high school, contact us and we can go and make them part of this. I don't care if they don't vote yet - I want to know what they think about their city.

I'll be at the March 2 public meeting. Please come out to one of them - tonight, tomorrow, March 2 - and join in. It's not a townhall meeting where people line up at a microphone to yell at each other. It's discussions amongst real citizens, conducted by real citizens, and facilitated by people like me.

Want to change Burlington? Then help Shape Burlington.

Lots of info at the website linked.

Where is Lachlan Cranswick?

2010-02-20T08:13:00.002-05:00

The 41-year-old Australian physicist worked at the Chalk River nuclear facility. And on January 18, he disappeared from his home in near the Ottawa River.

Keys, passport, I.D. all left behind. Car still there. Gone. this orderly, meticulous man did not go for a walk and get lost - when he went for walks, he took with him the following: a GPS, a whistle, a fanny pack and a flashlight. This is not an impulsive man. I doubt a sudden trill of spontaneity grabbed him.

It's been a month. His family must be frantic.

Where is Lachlan Cranswick?

Really? Really You Idiot?

2010-02-19T19:16:00.006-05:00

I was one of those who once held great esteem for Elizabeth Edwards. I didn't care much for her coiffed, shallow husband (yes, this was evident to anyone who looked closely enough - sometimes it's pretty easy to see which half of a couple has the actual substance), but now, well, now I'm finding myself stranded with my own silly assessment.

For anyone just checking in she finally left his sorry ass when he finally (2 years too late) admitted to fathering a child with another woman. The lie was worse than the offence - Elizabeth has been battling cancer - now terminal - for years. They have two young children, an older daughter and they endured the sorrow of losing another son in a car accident. Clearly, more than enough trauma for any family.

Today, Elizabeth has finally spoken after her announcement that her marriage was over. This is a public, media savvy woman. Follow this part of the interview:

The reference to her husband's affair came when a student asked: "If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?"

Elizabeth, laughed with the crowd and said "I know the answer...I think you do, too."

Really? That's what you would change? You wouldn't rather have your teenage son, say, alive? You wouldn't rather, say, not have terminal cancer?

When priorities become this messed up, it's hard to know who to sympathize with.

Maybe they deserve each other.

Sexting Texting

2010-02-16T17:34:00.002-05:00

I thought Adam Giambrone's (see a couple of posts ago) sextmails were embarrassing. Well, no, I knew they were. I will never, ever erase "I like you because you're smart and interesting. You're also good-looking naked" from my brain. Trust me; I would like to. All I can hear is Ben Stiller in that model movie saying 'gOOd-looking'. That movie was funny, actually. Giambrone is not.

Anyway. Today's lesson comes to you from a sex therapist (really? a sex therapist?) in Florida who was banging a client, stealing pills from her and all the while billing her insurance company. Full service provider, indeed. So. First things first. If you end up in Smoking Gun, dunzo. Over. While you're at the link, go check through the other sections of that site.

Now, as a trusted member of the medical community, it is highly recommended that you fix your patients, but not do them. Big, big pond; catch another fish. And if your client is a fragile, depressed woman, the sign you are seeing is not 'bingo'. It is 'beware'.

Where am I going? TEXT MESSAGES. I don't text message. I managed it once, got a column out of it, and swore never to revisit it. I know tons of people who live by the stupid things. I even know some grown-up adult type people who are incessantly doing it. It's remarkable, actually. I can understand teenagers. I would have been all over this when I was, say, 15. And to transfer information ("I'll be out front at 5" "Don't forget to grab some milk"), I can see its value for big people. But mostly, I see it as another tether strap between teenage girls sitting beside each other, and teenage girls trying to figure out if he's somewhere with some other teenage girl.

Sorry. Too much tethering.

But for big people? For big people in love? For big people in love who are in politics or a sensitive discipline? Really? Text messaging?

The Florida shrink? Who was boffing his patient? His sex therapy patient? Who was fragile? And he was ripping off for more than her heart? Yup. Text messaging. Ready? "U r soooo hot!! I worry that I m holding u back from a younger stud who can really meet ur need!! lol!"

The good news? You're off the hook, Adam. Seriously.

For christsakes grownups, stop sending these messages. You're killing me.

Testing Positive for Barley

2010-02-15T12:40:00.002-05:00

I laughed and laughed at this t from the New York Times.

Maybe you will too. Only a Canadian could have written it.

Thanks, Janie, for the link.

How Stupid Are Mississaugans?

2010-02-15T11:19:00.003-05:00

Put your hand down. I'm gonna answer this one.

Really, really, stupid. At the least the ones who take this latest news without a peep certainly are.

You may have elected a mayor who is arrogant enough to not run a campaign. Over and over again. She's taking for granted you love her that much, that she needn't say anything other than 'business as usual' and you will keep electing her. The fact that the world is changing at warp speed and the concerns and problems facing every city - including Mississauga - require far more than a same-old, same-old response seem to elude voters in Mississauga.

Here's something you should do, just for fun: demand that your elected officials exhibit a knowledge, interest and dedication to addressing the world as it will become, not just the one they see in sepia toned photo ops from years gone by.

While I am firmly on the record as believing term limits are a good, sane and necessary thing (sorry, but sitting on yer ass and lifting up your head every four years to figure out how to keep the ride going is not my idea of a dedicated elected official, though many seem to do exactly that), I recognize that democracy has put Ms. McCallion, and many others, in their chairs for eons. Fine.

But read the link. When it came to light that McCallion failed to declare a conflict of interest in a land development deal in her jurisdiction that her son was involved in (oops), there were her supporters, explaining in small words for we idiots that it was okay with them. Nope. No inquiry required, as long as they had McCallion's word that it was a tiny slip up. No big deal, right?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Sorry. Didn't mean to yell. And I really should have saved my ammo for this morning, when my morning paper reveals that now those same Mississaugans who believed this is no big deal will now have the chance to ante up further: Boy McCallion will have his legal bills paid for with taxpayer dollars.

Really? That's awesome! Because now I know that if I screw up, and I can just go down to city hall and ask them to pay my legal bills. Right? This is a great thing. I know from legal bills; I got divorced. Did you know you pay for paperclips? Did you know you shouldn't leave your lawyer a message, because they charge you to read the message? And staples. And the fifty cents for a stamp to send you a billion dollar bill? Yep. That too. And lawyers? Hold your fire. I know some wonderful lawyers, and I know some total disgraces.

Mississauga's legal department admits this is a precedent, paying the legal bills of someone who isn't a member of council. I should think so; I also think this is not quite what most people have in mind when their city is highlighted as setting a precedent in something. Most would prefer to be the first to have 100% participation in a recycling program. That would be a nice precedent. Maybe the first major city to have a council that reflects their community in a truly representational way. That would be terrific.

But no, this is a different precedent. The mayor's son gets his legal bills paid for allegedly trying to set up a deal and no doubt profit off the city his mother runs. And when the city rightfully decided an inquiry was needed (which was fought by way too many counselors, by the way), the poor lad cried poor. He needs funding to sit at the table.

You know, when someone gets their own way for too long, and answers to nobody, everybody loses. When an elected official acts with disdain for their constituents and truly believes 'trust me, everything is fine' is a justified answer, not only should sirens go off about their judgment on this particular issue, but it should call into question every decision they've made on the end of a very long leash.

Smarten up, Mississauga.

Ranty Pants

2010-02-11T12:01:00.003-05:00

Argh. I feel a rant coming on.

I should blog more often to let it out. Like exercising, I'm sure it's good for you. Like exercising, I rarely do it these days.

Of course you've heard all about the sexcapades of Adam Giambrone . Because no sex story can just blessedly go away, it's being flogged with endless follow-ups. Just when I thought I would never get the text message transcripts of this Romeo out of my brain ("I like you because you're smart and interesting. You're also good-looking naked" - I tell ya, words like those and dinner at Swiss Chalet, and I'm all yours, baby), now things get even more embarrassing.

They're doing man-on-the-street interviews. My favourite? Someone calls this a tragedy. Yup. Haiti isn't a tragedy. Two women murdered in Ontario isn't a tragedy. No, Adam Giambrone getting caught with his pants around his ankles and his head up his ass while texting on his cell phone - now that's a tragedy.

Snow, or don't snow. But enough of this stupid weather already. I want a decent storm. Or spring. Pick one.

We are lucky enough to have a benefits plan through the Poor Sod's work. This is great. But when I was finally vacuuming behind my computer the other day, I found two drug receipts I hadn't sent in. From 2008. I slid them in the latest batch, thinking they might not notice. They noticed. 200 bucks gone, because I'm a miserable slob.

I trust President's Choice products. I bought a new chicken marinade. I cooked it last night. It's Jerk Sauce. Ari asked if it was called Dirt Sauce. Everyone had a bite. It is now called Napalm Chicken. It was so hot, nobody could eat it.

I can't figure out how to use my iPhone. And I'm too lazy to go to the store and have them show me. And I hate reading those little books. I might hate it.

I need to get my chimney rebuilt.

I have to do my taxes. I have all these piles of paper all over the couch in the living room. Do not come over for tea. There is nowhere to sit.

A paper I canceled a subscription to a year ago keeps calling me. I do not want your paper. I will not read it in my house. Not in a boat, not on a train, not in a plane, not in the tub. Stop calling me. And do not ever, ever tell me that making dinner at 5:45 is not 'the usual time for most people we call to be making dinner'. Yes, that is in quotes.

I will probably add to this before the day is over.

Arctic Smart

2010-02-06T07:19:00.003-05:00

Feature is up here, column is here.

There will be more pics when I cobble together the Adventures, and when Webgod gets them up....

I'm aware the meerkats are far cuter. But they wouldn't hold the banner.

SmartAss

2010-01-31T10:10:00.002-05:00

Back last night. We went to a natural Hot Springs in Liard National Park in waaaaaaaay Northern B.C. You trudge in a long planked walk through the forest. It's pitch black, there is nobody there but you (we went in two Mercedes SUVs). You change in freezing little changerooms by flashlight, then you have to walk through to the stairs in flipflops. All covered in a foot of snow. The trees surround the springs, all loaded with snow and ice. And there are no lights anywhere except moonlight, reflected on all the snow. The springs are so hot in places you have to move around. Absolutely amazing. Thought I'd include a pic of some of us warming up afterwards.

What an amazing trip. I'm writing it up today, so it'll run The Star on Saturday. But I have lots of pics and lots of stories.

More later.

So Many Things You Never Needed To Know

2010-01-24T09:20:00.003-05:00

I have been a terrible blogger lately. I know that. But it is not that I have nothing to say, it's just trying to find the time, or, knowing me, managing the time better.

I found out a couple of weeks back that I would be heading to Kelowna tomorrow. I will leave Kelowna in a SmartCar and spend 4 days driving to Whitehorse. I'm going back to the Yukon! This makes me very happy. After my trip there in July, I was desperate to get back there in winter. But as you may recall, I left in an RV. I will be going back in a SmartCar. In January.
Inuvik, but my boss will be taking the car from Whitehorse and I fly home. It'll be a crazy, tiring week, and I can't wait.

But before you can disappear for a week, planets have to be aligned. The boys (and the Poor Sod) are fine when I go - they barely notice. But I like to load in food and leave the laundry done. I keep loading in food, and they keep eating it. I have to check for dentists appointments and exam schedules and leave notes. I wrongly believe the world grinds to a halt in my absence. This is not so, but I think it is.

I usually file columns on Mondays. This means two additional columns had to be filed in advance. Which means they had to be written. This is doable. But I'm also on a committee here in Burlington that will launch on Monday - the day I leave. I'm the Communications Director, which means in a matter of weeks, we've produced a website, developed a communications plan, and organized press releases. It's an important committee - we plan to talk to as many residents of Burlington (pop: 165,000) as we can in the next few short weeks, and be able to tell politicians what we have heard.

You know what a committee is right? You've heard that joke about a camel is a horse designed by a committee? I'm working with some fabulous people, but you also know I ain't much of a team player. A final meeting yesterday saw me absolving myself of any blame for the coming week. "No internet," I lied. I don't think they'll miss me, to tell the truth.

So. Going to meetings all the time. That's new for me. Going to Mark's Warehouse and buying flannel lined jeans is also new. I finally opened the travel docs for the trip, and realized I can only take carry-on. Dunno what I was thinking - we're traveling for days in a SmartCar ferchrisakes. I purposely peeked at one while in Detroit. This will be an experience.

At Mark's, Ari saw me come out of a change room.
"You're really going to wear those?" he asked me. I hadn't even asked "does my bum look big in these?" I knew. And now it was confirmed. I also bought these puffy, warm socks. I already have a good coat from when they sent me to Sweden. In January.

I whined to my editor that I'm always on ice floes. "Oh, well, why didn't you say so?" he asked innocently. "I just turned down trips to, lemme see, Rio de Janeiro - you don't speak Spanish, Capetown, you'd get tired from the long (business class) flight, Madrid - no, you'd complain about the junky airport, Miami and Phoenix - far too dangerous for someone as sensitive as you"

CTS called and asked if I could tape a show on Friday. Oh sure, I said. What's an hour of time for a show? I forgot the hours of time to cram on current events behind the show. A national magazine contacted me this week, wanting a parenting piece. This makes me very happy, and I jumped at the chance. "When's your deadline?" I asked. It's for the April issue. "Uhm, Friday the 29th," she said. I heard her duck. I said I'd have it done before I went away. I'm working on it as we speak.

Because everyone thinks I don't really work hard, none of this is making a dent, I know. But I started getting a cold on Tuesday. I never get colds. I pictured me in the Yukon, in a SmartCar filled with Kleenex. I asked my doctor if that ColdFX stuff works. She said no. I bought it anyway. It worked.

I had to pick up new glasses. They were ready, which was great. I noticed on Thursday I was getting a sty in my eye. At least the cold was going. I freaked out and started trying to treat the sty. I now pictured being in the Yukon in a SmartCar with a patch over one eye. Wearing pants that make my ass look a mile wide.

Today, I have my columns written. The TV show is in the can (Behind the Story, 7pm, CTS tonight). The magazine article is awaiting a final interview this morning (yes, Sunday) at 11 with a guy in Texas. There is a pile of fat pants on the bed sitting beside a tiny suitcase. I sent a kid to find my magic wand. I think I've wrestled the sty under control and the cold.

Lookout, Yukon. I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Candy Icebergs

2010-01-19T16:18:00.002-05:00

Wow. More gorgeous pictures today. These icebergs are spectacular, and the colours are formed by layer freezing at different points.

The Real Urban Jungle

2010-01-19T16:09:00.002-05:00

A really fascinating sideshow of the urban decay as nature reclaims the remains of buildings in various parts of the U.S. You can probably witness similar scenes in any city - but the stages depicted here, from Slate magazine, are really arresting.

Booth Babes

2010-01-16T15:32:00.002-05:00

While my mail has been overwhelmingly positive to today's column in the Star, the comments on the site have been a little more mixed, to put it kindly.

At the auto show in Detroit, I was dismayed to see an increase in women wearing weeny little outfits to display the cars. The flavour of the month is apparently thigh high stiletto boots and skirts that would have a hard time covering a toddler's bum.

Let me be straight: beautiful girls are wonderful to look at. But in a setting like this, which is about launching new product and bringing journalists up to date, I don't get it. Most of these girls can't even tell you what they're rubbing up against. It's a gig, but I have a tough time with a booth littered with people who don't know anything about the product I'm trying to learn about.

I'm dismayed that the ratio of female executives is probably 50/50 now. I'm dismayed that something as basic as respect seems to be swept up and away. Many of the journos themselves have daughters they would never in a million years let do this kind of thing. They know what some of these men say about these girls. And they are girls; and there is nothing remotely attractive about some old slob 3 times their age saying some of the things we overheard. Does it bug everyone? No. But it bugs me.

Here's an interesting link to a piece my colleague, Nika Rolczewski wrote awhile back. Read to the final line.

If You Only Read One Thing Today...

2010-01-16T15:27:00.001-05:00

...read this. From Vanity Fair and A.A. Gill, who I love anyway, but this short bit on Scotland is a gem.

It'll only take you a few minutes, but I loved it.

The Gift That Keeps On....

2010-01-16T10:54:00.004-05:00

...well, I guess it depends on your perspective. Herpes and cell phones are gifts that keep on taking. But Sarah Palin? Oh, she's right up there with Word-Of-The-Day or Jam-Of-The-Month club. Her bon mots are media gifts that keep on giving.

She even had Bill O'Reilly rolling his eyes on Fox, her new home, the other day. He asked her which of the founding fathers was her favourite. Now, here's a list to cheat from for you: Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, John Jay, James Madison, and Alexander Hamilton. Every American kid (and most Canadian ones) can name you a bunch of them. They're sprinkled on the money and parked in nearly every damned story every told about American history.

Her answer? "Well, all of them." Wasn't that her answer when Katie Couric asked her what magazines she reads? I really need to get a go-to answer like that. Save a lot of time. And a lot of learnin'. Gail Collins' column in the NYT gets to the heart of the Republican wordsmithing here.

I've been trying to put my finger on who it is Palin reminds me of, with her dog-ate-my-homework, deer-in-the-headlight answers. Maybe I'll just call them Wild Kingdom answers. And here it is, in a link send to me from a friend this morning: Bart Simpson.

SARAH PALIN IS BART SIMPSON!

Now, that would be cool, except Bart has been with us for over 20 years, and he's never changed. He's still 10. He still makes stuff up as he goes along. But Bart is smarter than Sarah: he has someone else write his script.

Lakeshore Public School

2010-01-14T10:10:00.003-05:00

This week's Motherlode was about my old school, Lakeshore Public.

I've had some mail into my Blame it on Lorraine contact asking where the school is.

It's in Burlington, on Lakeshore east of Brant Street. Thanks for all the great notes from people who attended in years past.

John & Elizabeth & Rielle & Truth

2010-01-13T10:17:00.004-05:00

Ah. You don't know what you don't know. Until an book like this appears.

Everyone followed the John and Elizabeth Edwards saga(s)shocked. Well, maybe. Hard to shock most of us anymore. But the whole ridiculous personal sideshow of a one-time presidential (maybe) candidate showed off a side of him that made his 400 buck haircut look quaint. Nothing like a cancer-stricken devoted wife squaring off with a crazy-eyed pregnant mistress to distract the voters.

They'd rolled the family tragedy thing into a tight ball of tear-provoking pieces in every form of media you can name. A killed oldest son, a terminal cancer diagnosis for a woman who has stood by her man and children while building her own career and only looking haggard after chemo, well, hell. You can't write this stuff.

Of course the revelation that John the Shmuck had fathered a kid on the side, with a woman who he had glued to his side for months and months ("If you have a secret, hide it right out in the open!" errr, maybe not)only added to the star power and dignity of Saint Elizabeth.

With the release of this book by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin (Game Change: Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime), lots of nasty stuff tumbling out of the laundry. And yes, it's salacious as hell. Whaddya expect?

I've long said you know nothing about a marriage unless you are one of the people within it. And I mean one of the two people. And even then, well, you don't know everything. Why is so surprising when those we've pictured wearing halos end up having feet of clay?

Terrific read I've linked from an excerpt in New York Magazine. It'll take you fifteen minutes or so, but it's great.

Detroit City

2010-01-12T19:24:00.002-05:00

Of course, truly Motor City this time every year. Got back from the auto show late last night. Which yes, means I bailed early. But in just three years, this show has shrunk incredibly. And deking early doesn't seem such a crime.

Nika and I drove down in a Mazda Tribute she managed to mooch for us (thanks, Mazda!), with snow tires. Last year, I drove down with my editor in a Mercedes in a raging snow storm - no snow. He made me drive; he let us nearly run out of gas. Oh forget it. Read the link.

This year, two crazy women hit the road for the near 4 hour drive. It flew by - what can I say, women yak.

We stay in Windsor, and have to boot it through the tunnel at 7 in the frigid morning. I sleep like crap in hotels, and by the time the wake up call came at 6 I reckon I'd had a solid half hour of sleep. And it showed.

Another colleague, Brian Early (Bright 'n Early) had a 2010 Camaro, so he drove us over. The border guard asked so many questions about the car I swear I could have been Osama bin Laden peering out of the back seat screaming 'Canadian' and he would have let us through.

The show is always cool, though the freebies have gone the way of the dodo. We were each responsible for coming up with a Top Ten list - and before we could even start to fight about topics, Richardson said 'and no lists of what you miss'. Sigh. No massages, no shoe shines, no sushi bars, no booze bars opening at 10am, no spectacular Dodge boozeups....had a decent cappuccino or three, but rest assured, your tax dollars are no longer going to the journos.

I'm tired, and filing stuff like crazy, so this is it for now. But if you have a favourite new car you want to see, ask and I'll see if I have a pic. I took a bunch...